I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
