My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
false alarm, still single
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize