every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Vodka?
Forever.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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