You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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