what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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