i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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