I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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