Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize