Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why is your signature on my underwear?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
