How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
