I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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