he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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