So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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