a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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