you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
