I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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