I want to stick my p in your. b.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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