i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
bring money and cleavage
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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