woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize