other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
