omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
