My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize