if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
