i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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