just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
