Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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