in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
