Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
