My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
