it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
