I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
