Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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