You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
