I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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