I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
