i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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