Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I love you. Go after that dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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