i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I cut my penus on the lid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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