my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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