JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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