who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
