Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
