You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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