i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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