pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
