even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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