I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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