I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
