i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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