I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
