do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
