you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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