How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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