I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
