Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
