I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize