Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
