I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
