well I can't set my house on fire every night
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
