having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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