i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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