don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
