My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
