I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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