Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
