Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
