Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
